Hurricane survival kit

Hello people. So since Hurricane Irene has just started to drench Philadelphia, I figured that I would discuss how to survive during a storm. After living in Miami, at a time of hurricane Floyd, and yet another Irene, I'm gonna take a nostalgic trip back for you all. So make a pitcher of hurricanes (the recipe is in this post) and enjoy many drinks with Jess.

Ah hurricanes, so destructive and yet so beautiful. I remember watching the clouds roll in over Coral Gables while staring out of my townhouse balcony windows. What excitement... and yet... I did not know a damn thing. I always loved weather and probably would have been a meteorologist, but I don't want to be the cheesy weather person with a Vaseline grin. So present day, I still have my windows open, listening to the storm and have devised a survival guide for hurricanes. It is really quite simple, so pour another and try to follow along. I'd like to note that these are all important and not in a specific order.

Drinks with Jess hurricane survival manual.

#1) Learn to make a hurricane

1 oz vodka
1/4 oz grenadine syrup
1 oz gin
1 oz light rum
1/2 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 oz amaretto almond liqueur
1 oz triple sec
grapefruit juice
pineapple juice

Pour all but the juices, in order listed, into a hurricane glass (or any glass/plastic cup etc.) three-quarters filled with ice. Fill with equal parts of grapefruit and pineapple juice, and serve. Note that this is for one serving, but for an actual hurricane, make enough for 4 days and try not to drink it in one.

#2) Don't waste your money on flashlights
First of all, you live in your house/apartment. You know where you've placed your furniture. And for God's sake, who will see you when the lights are out... no one. Hence you don't have to worry about matching. When we lost electricity in Miami, I had to pack for a trip. I opened my closet and just threw clothes into a suitcase. Luckily, I am highly organized with my couture so I knew which shelves I kept underwear (always optional), pants and shirts. I also mostly have black colored clothing, so I never had to worry about not matching. Most likely you will be at home by yourself, but if not, the other person won't be able to see you either, so don't spend money on flashlights. People still look good in the dark, if not... better.

#3) Always have plastic bags available
When I was young, my parents' didn't by us tons of shit. I am very glad for that. I do recall on Sunday mornings, they would throw a plastic bag at us. My sister and I made a game of it... how long you could keep it in the air. You could head it, hit it, kick it etc. We could spend hours doing this. No... we were not deprived. In addition, you can tie them over your shoes so your socks don't get wet and use them for trash or animal waste. Now in NE Philly, if you walk down Castor Ave., you will see old ladies covering their hair with them during bad weather. Plastic bags are quite versatile and cheap. Just save your grocery bags people... that's all I'm gonna say.

#4) Stock up on bungee chords, cigarettes and a case of beer (other liquors optional)
So during my first Miami hurricane, I was enthralled. Most people evacuated or stayed in. My dumb ass was so excited that I had a plan. I went to the gas station and bought a case of beer and a carton of cigarettes. I had bungee chords in my trunk from my move. So I put a plastic bag on my head and some on my body like a parka (hence tip #3) and strapped myself, with my beer and cigarettes, in a lawn chair to my balcony. It was so cool and four days worth of excitement. To watch the whole thing happen right before my eyes! I just love Mother Nature's wrath! Oh, on a side note, water is... I guess necessary. They sell it everywhere. The only difference is that in Florida, you can get alcohol and water in gas stations and supermarkets, but you can only by alcohol in the appropriate places here. And those places don't sell water! Plan accordingly.

#5) Surfboards or boogie boards are imperative
When I was a kid, I had a fascination with surfing, although, after my dad put me on his shoulders at the beach and I got knocked hard by a wave, I was afraid of the waves. I just held my board looking longingly at the ocean every summer. However, I quickly recall losing electricity and phone service during a hurricane (cell phones were not big at this time, and Facebook nor Twitter existed). So after numerous calls from my family and aunt, I wanted to tell them that I was safe. Now I'm not the most intelligent person in the world, especially in this situation. There was 4 feet of water on the ground and power lines were down. I decided to wade through the water, across the street, to a pay phone to make my calls. In the meantime, a family of 4 was electrocuted due to stepping on power lines in the water. I have learned from this that a surf board or boogie board is the transportation of choice. Even a kick board for the kids. And it's fun!

#6) No need for communication
This is an easy one. I saw on the news tag running across the screen to just make sure you put your name and social security number on a card and place it in your left shoe so they can identify you. How grim, but humorous. My mother nags me six times in one phone call, so no communication for a day or 4, puts my mind at ease. If you die, someone will let them know.

#7) Charcoal and propane is a must
First of all, no one should have a gas grill. Charcoal is original and quite frankly makes food taste better. I love smelling like my grill when I fall asleep! Anyway, when power is lost, it is a must if you love to cook such as I do. As far as propane, yes... it is for a gas grill. If you are really handy, you can get a saute station fueled by propane. I have one that my parents bought for my ex and I when she insisted on going camping during the summers. I hate camping and to OD on bug spray is not fun! But I digress. I wish I had a propane tank now, cause I would make one hell of an omelet tomorrow morning on the saute station!

#8) Waste your money on candles and stock up on matches
Matches are free at convenience stores and are needed to light grills and candles. Enough said. As far as candles, they look nice and smell good. Besides, if you are stuck with someone during a hurricane, you can make a romantic night of it. They are sensual, mysterious, and everyone looks good in candlelight. You can enjoy the hurricane with scary stories, a sensual massage and a candlelit dinner. Use it to your advantage... I always do!

#9) Oh yeah... I forgot about food
I know they say canned food is best for these situations, but do you really want to smell like tuna and choke on canned green beans? I suggest Cakesters or Twinkies for that sweet tooth. The preservatives alone will make them last forever. And who does not love cereal or peanut butter (unless you are allergic). You can deal without food for a long time, and besides, if you drink the whole time, you will forget to eat anyway. You can always get Chinese food before hand because it is also great when you eat Lo Mien cold!

#10)Have an Ouija board at your disposal
The game that most of us played in our youth. If you didn't... I am truly sorry. No game will ever be better in a dark, candlelit room, (except for the Kama Sutra spin game I have), than the Ouija board. And I'm sure, after a pitcher of hurricanes, you will be able to come up with some great deceased people to channel. It's comical, entertaining and creative. I've come up with many good ones... but I would love to channel Michael Jackson. I could act that one out well! Ooh... so much fun!

So there it is people. Follow these rules and you will enjoy any major storm that comes your way. So start pitcher number 2 and let it be a long night! Hope you enjoyed drinks with Jess. Until next time.