Ten rules to texting pictures

So after a long hiatus, I have returned. Thanks to the curiosity of "young people", I figured it would be advantageous to shut down for a bit. However on this beautiful August day, it's time to resurrect. So even though it's 10:30am on the east coast, grab yourself a bloody mary and enjoy a drink with Jess.

Today I am livid. The stupidity that is now determining our future is astonishing, but this I must reserve for a separate post. However, I will begin on the local level. This is a trend that I have varying opinions about. The naked picture text/email.

Celebrities do it, the average housewife does it, and yes... politicians do it. Is this a bad or good thing? I'm not quite sure, and I feel like a bit of a hypocrite because I have, at times, been sent some racy pictures from girls who happen to want my attention or just want to put me in better spirits on a bad day. Don't lie... nobody minds the occasional "Good morning baby" with pic included text to start your day. However, it is time to lay down the law and set some rules to the sexting extravaganza. So here it is people... Jess' top ten sexting rules that should be followed.

Rule #10 - Only once in a while
This is so important. Everything, every novelty, and like every reality show on tv.. it gets old. The saying "less is more" pertains to this rule. Surprises once in a while are great, so keep it at that. Besides, after a while, your phone memory is used up and you end up having to delete some of your favorite pics anyway.

Rule #9 - Cover it up
As opposed to the "less is more" concept. Full nudity is not necessary. Put a little something on. The imagination loves the exercise, and it keeps things exciting. And no... just a necklace or bracelet does not count!

Rule #8 - No cheesy messages
A word or two is great sometimes, but please, leave out "You know you want this" or "Look at this big guy". It makes you sound arrogant and believe it or not, nobody in this entire world is that great or perfect(except for maybe Kim Kardashian... love her) Get off your self proclaimed pedestal.

Rule #7 - Know yourself
Decide your own moral standing on this topic. As I have said, I don't mind the occasional pic being sent to me... from those I choose to have in my private life, but strangers on twitter or facebook need not text me. In fact, I don't care if it's a picture of your dog. If I don't know you, don't get my number from your friend and text me anything! I'm not your friend for a reason. In addition to this, do not feel the need to text pictures back if you receive one. I may enjoy receiving them, but I will never send one out. If you wanna see me... go out with me a few of times.

Rule #6 - Mirrors are not flattering
I see many examples of people (especially in news reports about politicians), who appear to be taking their picture while standing in front of a mirror. Go to glamour shots or something. Obviously you don't mind people seeing your junk, and like mirrors at Macy's or other department stores, it does not work like a rear view mirror. It does not make things appear larger, it makes something look like "it's just not working for me".

Rule #5 - No promotion needed
Catered to celebrities, like the old school "how did that get into the public?" sex tapes... we know you do this on purpose for promotion. A dead career resurrects quickly when a so-called "private text" is released. If you want to help your career, do it honestly or at least admit that you were hoping the pic would get out.

Rule #4 - Send it to the correct person
This one is easy. Make sure you send the picture/text to the right person. We have all had moments where we send the general text to the wrong address in the phone. I have had many friends "butt" text me by accident when driving or bending over thinking their phone is safe in the back pocket.

Rule #3 - Get active
Obesity is a killer in our society. With that being said, please people, make sure you are slightly attractive and especially in shape if you are going to disrobe for a picture. The camera adds ten pounds anyway. I was appalled by the news this morning as I was looking at the naked picture released. You may hold a position of power, but that is not a turn on these days. Pictures don't show your power... but they obviously show your gut. But I'm glad that you think you look good. I won't even be caught dead in a bathing suit, and I'm damn more fit and attractive than you.

Rule #2 - Politicians, teachers or any other people in lead roles.
We are suppose to be role models, leaders and people with integrity. When in this type of position in society, never send a pic. It ruins your credibility, it sacrifices your career and quite honestly, makes you look like a scumbag. Enough said.

Rule #1 - Married folk/people with kids.
This constitutes a form of cheating, unless you only send this to your wife or husband... in that case it is quite simply flirtation and spicing things up. Sending it to someone other than your partner is deplorable and ruins a marriage (or relationship). And seriously, think of your kids. They don't want to see you walking around the house in tighty-whities, so why would you think that 22 million people eventually looking at this picture on tv will not embarrass them. Kids are embarrassed when hanging out with friends and you walk into the room, so why the hell would you set them up for further ridicule.

Wow.. that was long. Pour yourself another. Again, think of your own moral in regards to this topic. If you choose to send pictures to someone, that is no one's business but your own. I don't judge. However, the rules above are set to make it an enjoyable experience and save the rest of the world from the ghastly pictures that we have seen lately in public view. I hope you enjoyed drinks with Jess... until next time.